Motherhood

is so full of conflicting emotions. Some days I feel so much love for my boy I think my heart will explode because it's simply too much for it to take. Other days (like today) while I still love him as heart burstingly much as ever, being a mother is really hard to do. I hate the days when we are home all day, go nowhere and he won't sleep properly, grizzles, etc etc and consequently the house is a mess because he won't let me out of his sight to do anything about that. He has had 2 teeth coming up for what seems like weeks on end so general grumpiness has been the theme lately. God I love him but sometimes being a stay at home Mum numbs my mind a little. Can I say that? I just sometimes tire of the monotony of certain parts of it.

Other than that things are going pretty well. Im mostly on top of my anxiety at the moment apart from the other night when I heard banging around in the house that is attached to ours, and it's empty at the moment until some people move in in a few weeks, so I was terrified there were people in there and consequently panicked a lot as it was about 3am. I think it was just a door blowing around or something as a window had been left open but at the time I was terrified. I put the lights on in the lounge and left them on all night so they would know people were here, hehe. Seems silly now. But I feel such a protective instinct over my baby.

The days are going by, mostly busy, with what I don't know but the weeks go far faster than they ever have before which is weird considering I was doing more before. I am working on expanding social connections to meet more local Mums and take bub to more activities because he's super active and gets as bored as I do. The little monkey is now pulling himself up to stand. He's 7 months old and most of his peers are only tackling rolling at this point but hes been rolling and crawling for months so I guess it was coming, Freaks me out how clever he is. Hanging out for my husband to get home today just to have another pair of hands. For some reason I always feel much more relaxed when it's not just me here. Im not sure why as I am more than capable of handling everything by myself and I do day to day.

Best go the mmmmmmmmmmms coming from the boy in the highchair behind me are getting louder.